Surprisingly and rather appropriately I filled up the last page in my quote book on December 31st. Admittedly this 3 year long experiment of obsessively writing things down has strayed from its original purpose of being a way to catalogue thoughts and sketches. For the last year it’s been almost exclusively a collection of drunken conversations and crude jokes. I regret nothing. Before I shelf the little thing and move on to the next, here are a few recent entries that I neglected to post:

BENJAMIN: (while video chatting) We’ve had 2,000 years of technology for me to show you my third nipple over the internet.

ME: Why is Alicia upset?
BENJAMIN: Oh, I called her a faggoty cunt.

KYLE: When The Hills was cancelled a little part of me was cancelled with it. 

NICOLE: I feel like tonight’s going to be a really good night!
KYLE: The Black Eyed Peas had that feeling too.

CAMERON: (on wearing a wig) They were like, “it’s a fat Reese Witherspoon!” and I was devastated.

LANIE: Well, the Booty Dew appears to be the same thing as the Stanky Leg… that sentence.

CAMERON: (on hearing his first Lady Gaga song) It’s like, you know how everyone remembers where they were on 9/11?

ALICIA: (on a childhood vacation to Sea World) I threw up in Shamu’s tank and then we left. 

JOE P: Show me on the basketball where Steve Nash touched you. Should I flip it over?

JOE R: Pickles are like veal. They didn’t even get the chance to be cucumbers.

KYM: It’s fun to brainwash your kid. Don’t write that down.

CAMERON: I want my wedding to be a shit show. I want my mom to be drunk. I want my dad to be drunk and disappointed..

NICOLE: I’ve been going to a “Booze & Books” club in Minneapolis.
TOM: You should start your own club.
KYLE: “Booze”.

CAMERON: Legally Blonde is tremendously similar to my life.

And the first entry of 2012:
ANDY: (in a quiet whisper) I’m gonna Pfannenstiel your heart.

…which is really only a good finale quote to this post if you’re already aware that Pfannenstiel is Andy’s last name and we often make puns concerning the pronunciation. So that one’s ruined for most of you.

Five months ago someone drew a dick on my back window after a dust storm. Washing, wiping, squeegees. Nothing has worked. It still shows up in the morning dew. This dick is my Everest.

Just discovered that my good friend white wine helped me make a Spotify playlist the other night.

shot some portraits of the Diamondbacks’ new relief pitcher the other night.
Fun fact: the players’ clubhouse smells surprisingly good.

"I smell like a girl. I like it. It makes me feel less lonely."

Benjamin, spritzed with perfume.

"This couch is too comfortable. These mimosas are too drunk. The floor is too dizzy."

Benjamin. Went to a brunch that lasted 8 hours yesterday. Mimosas for everyone! Mimosas all day long.

HE HAS A POINT

"She has this Korean flag and whenever I drape it about my shoulders I feel like I play so much better."

Kyle discussing Starcraft 2.

"I would like something that looks like this but with me dressed as a physically abused transvestite."

Artistic direction from Benjamin.

"I have a bit of a slutty relationship with tea."

Ivan, who absolutely has a slutty relationship with tea.

"We’re all drunk, that’s the important question."

I wish I knew who shouted this so I could give them credit.

BEN: I was flying!
ME: But a little too close to the sun.
BRITTNEY: YOU LET HIM GO IN THE SUN? 

"You’re the motherfucking LL Cool J of this wedding."

The best thing anyone has ever said to me while I was working.

"I have a mustache to rub on your face. Don’t you ever forget that."

Andy to Russ, in a surprisingly threatening tone.