Jack: If this man here told you to vote Republican would you do it?
Kenneth: Oh, no sir. I don't vote Republican or Democrat. Choosing is a sin, so I always just write in the lord's name.
Jack: That's Republican, we count those.
You are my Chris Chambers.– This is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
…anyway, she ended up getting tuberculosis. Dumb bitch.– the always sympathetic Cameron
I’m so thirst- hungry right now… I mean.. full.– Cameron is a wordsmith.
Shawn: Is Rollerplex like Great Skate?
Brittney: Sort of, but less... colored.
Girl Talk - Play Your Part (pt. 2) I’ve...
Aaliyah - Journey to the Past (from the always...
I should probably close out this tab before the page finishes loading. I...– Me in my head. The internet makes crazy thoughts seem so normal.
I usually don’t notice boobs unless they’re out to get me.– Cameron
Cameron: It must be nice to be in love.
Me: If you're in love with me you can spell my name any way you want.
Me: Oh... no.
Cameron: Whore Goodman.
Cameron: You haven't posted anything on Tumblr all day and I'm so bored.
I just found an unopened box of toothpaste in my...
From the looks of the crushed corners and worn down label, it’s been in there for a while. Finding it sort of felt like when you reach into your pocket and accidentally pull out an old five dollar bill that’s been through the spin cycle. I know it’s my own toothpaste that I paid for, but what a wonderfully fresh and surprising gift.
South America doesn’t have computers.– Gorba
me: you're so useless.
britt: I have a mustache right now.
Possible short film premise that Cameron and I came up with yesterday: There’s a bumbling doctor fresh out of medical school and he’s thrown immediately into delivering a baby, his first real one ever. He’s frantic and can’t believe his eyes; he never imagined that the gift of life could be so horrific. We haven’t gone into detail about the actual plot, really I...
Anyone want to see David Sedaris do a reading in October? I really don’t want to go alone but I will if I have to. edit: nevermind. I bought a lone ticket because I didn’t think I could count on you fools. You suckas. You foolish suckas.
Gorba: have you ever seen a commercial for a purse that holds two water bottles and has a pocket for everything and is fashionable?
Me: ...you mean any purse?
It’s the perfect plan: bomb the internet.– Gorba + marijuana
I could’ve sworn there was a nipple there…– Brittney
unusual high school essay metaphors →
“5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.” I lost it while reading this one, but honestly they’re all so good. I wish I had been this clever/dense in high school.
Brad Pitt’s hair is amazing. Great movie.– A Hulu reviewer whose opinion I trust.
In traffic just now the woman in the car next to me opened her door and threw up all over the place.
It must be nice...
Cameron: Ugh, Stella's like a virus that just won't leave.
Cameron: That's not a virus, that's a syndrome. Any questions?
Brittney: Yeah, how dare you.
things I used to joke about that I'm realizing are...
I am a dropper. I will absolutely drop whatever is put into my hands. Tonight I watched in slow motion terror as my laptop fell from my arms for maybe the tenth time since I’ve owned it. Thankfully Dell has reinforced my model with some sort of wizardry because everything still works well. I’m not sure how I keep getting lucky. In the battle between floor and machine technology wins...
We adopted english accents somewhere near the 2nd hole, where there was a black sillhouette of a golfer who I deemed “not a real person” in the same sentence that I stated he was black. But really I meant he wasn’t a real man because he was made out of metal.
Mine and Brittney’s roadtrip across the southwest compiled into one bite-sized nugget and set to music. This is the first time I have ever edited video and I’m feeling pretty accomplished right about now.
Brittney makes a decision
me: are you hungry? do you want to go eat?
britt: I could eat.
me: There's a Subway down the street, want to eat there?
me: on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you want to eat there?
britt: all those numbers are good.